Psalms 139:1-17
O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do.You know what I am going to say even before I say it, LORD. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand! I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night––-but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day.Darkness and light are the same to you.You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous––how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!
This is one of my favourite Psalms. Everytime I read it I feel sooo loved and sooo certain that I am because God made me. I am not a product of mass production, God thought about me, He designed me, every part of me and then He formed me bit by bit till I become me - a wonderfully complex person. How woderful! When I consider my life in view of this Psalm, then it makes sense. Everything belongs, my family, my friends, my country ...everything.
I am the second born in a family of 5. I am not quite sure my parents were married when I was born or even if the man I called my dad for 18yrs till he died was my real father. Sometimes I want to ask but then I'm like 'will it change anything?" So knowing that my parents may not have planned me but God had settles it. Since all the days of my life were laid out before a single day had passed, then even my moment of conception had been planned if not by my parents then by God. Growing up I sometimes wished I had been born somewhere else. I felt my mum was too hard on me. Affection wasn't easily displayed and as a kid hugs and cuddles was a way for me to know I was loved but there wasn't much of that at home. My parent's provided all that we needed then some but I guess hugs and cuddles wasn't part of their love language. Both came from polygamous families and there ain't much physical affection in such big families. Looking back now I know they raised us the best way they knew how and for that I am always grateful. For some reason, mum always seemed to be angry about something and we always felt we could do nothing right by her. She is a strong choleric with abit of melancholy. Perfection was the order of the day at home. Everytime we heard her at the gate we would bustle around making sure the house was in order but she would still find a mistake. I learnt to anticipate both the good and the bad from when I was quite young and I also learnt how to try and please people coz I did that with my mum all the time.
As I look back now, I am who I am today because of those formative years. I can keep pointing a finger at what my parents did or didn't do right but that will not change my present or future. What I can do is be grateful for what they did right and its alot and deal with what I feel they did not do right which after 26years doesn't seem an awfully lot like when I was say 18. One thing I know without a shadow of doubt my family is the best family that I could have, for all our shortcomings, I couldn't have a better one coz God handpicked them for me, one by one and He looked at each one and said "they are very good". I agree totally and completely!
